Overcoming Obstacles

March 11th, 2011 Posted in Life Transitions, Managing Fear, Self-awareness, Stress Management, Vision, Purpose & Intention
Mar, 11 2011
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Overcoming ObstaclesPicture this:  It’s packing day. Moving day is tomorrow and I get a voicemail from the realtor to say the sale of my parents’ house has fallen through! The buyers’ bank, which had pre-approved the mortgage, has discovered that the buyer had co-signed on a loan that went south and is now backing out of the deal. This blog is fifth in the series sharing lessons in Managing Thought during the recent sudden move of my parents from their home of forty years.

My eyes opened wide.  My jaw dropped.  I gasped.

The voicemail continues as the realtor explains that they have eight people who want to see the home immediately. She is confident they’ll have another offer soon. And all I am hearing is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…because I am busy thinking thoughts that are much louder – Oh my God! What do I do? Everything is almost packed. When my dad hears the news, he could have another stroke! How could this happen? They pre-approved the loan! I can’t show the house now. It’s a mess…..

I took a breath, exhaling deeply, and thought about what I was thankful for. Immediately, I realized I was thankful that the realtor called me, and not my dad. And I was thankful that I knew how to manage my thoughts, that I could see these fight, flight, and freeze thoughts for what they are, just thoughts, not reality, and that I could choose powerful thoughts of vision, purpose, and wonder…which led me to wondering what was possible.

I asked the realtor what the quickest possible close with a new buyer could be. She told me a cash sale with no inspection. I wondered how we could find such a buyer and let it go.

Now on to the big question – to move or not to move?

I knew my dad would be worried about the money. The plan was to sell the house first and then move so they wouldn’t have the expense of two homes and so they could use the proceeds from the sale to purchase the long-term care guaranty option, which guarantees their care for the rest of their lives.

I reflected on the original vision, purpose, intention, of the plan to move right away.

In moving now, my parents qualify for independent living. If my mother’s dementia progresses or my father’s health deteriorates, they would not qualify for independent living, and then would not be eligible for the long-term care guaranty. The long-term care guaranty brings my father peace of mind and the ability to fulfill his intention of taking care of his wife and himself until their death.  The new home, with all of its services, allows my dad to focus his energy on what matters most and to have some fun. The new home allows my dad and mom to get out, interact with others, take part in activities, go on dates and have a great quality of life.

I became inspired and decided to move forward with the move, trusting in the process.  I shared all this with my father including the wondering about the cash sale buyer. My dad then said his neighbor had expressed interest in buying the house several months back. I called the neighbor.

The end result – We moved the next day. My parents got their first month free in their new home. And in that month, the neighbor bought the house for cash with no inspection! My parents purchased the long-term guaranty and all is very well in their world.

We often set goals expecting things to happen a certain way to achieve the goal. Invariably, something happens that’s different than we expect, and our brains deliver us fight, flight and freeze thoughts. Without self-awareness, these thoughts of worry, frustration, blame, fear etc. can rule our world. When we practice managing our thoughts, we know that life isn’t always in a straight line. It can be curvy. And when something happens that’s different than we expect, we can pause to add light, take that breath, choose powerful thoughts of vision and purpose, thankfulness and wonder and be amazed as remarkable things start to happen.

How can you practice self-awareness to overcome obstacles?

© 2011 Mary J. Lore and Managing Thought LLC All rights reserved.

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The Power of Imagination

March 4th, 2011 Posted in Inspiration & Motivation, Life Transitions, Managing Fear, Stress Management, Wonder, Possibility & Creativity
Mar, 04 2011
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This blog is blog number four in a series of reflections on lessons in Managing Thought during the recent sudden move of my parents — lessons we can apply every day at work and in life.

When I was helping my parents with the move, I found bags and bags and bags and bags of bags! I share this to give you an idea of what my dad was feeling when he said, “What am I gonna do with this stuff? It won’t fit in the apartment. Maybe we shouldn’t move.”  He was clearly experiencing the flight and freeze of fight, flight or freeze.

As he started rummaging through it all, he became increasingly overwhelmed, “Why did we keep this? We don’t need that,” criticizing himself and my mom.

I suggested to Dad that he focus on what he wanted to keep. I imagined Dad doing what he loves to do.  He loves to cook, golf, read, listen to music and educational tapes, go on walks, exercise, tinker, purify his water, watch war movies.  He often said he’d like to get back to doing water color.

We had agreed to take this “journey of a thousand miles”, one step at a time. So I first suggested he gather everything he wanted to keep relating to his art supplies. When that was done, he focused on his golf keepers. Then he gathered the books and tapes he wanted to keep …

As he gathered these things, he perked up. He started talking about what he planned to paint and how he could set up his bench in his room. He spoke of the golf league he wanted to join and jotted down a note to himself to call about signing up. He wondered how he could practice French and put that on a list to talk about with the activities director at his new place. He was no longer stressed and concerned by all the stuff. And he was developing an action plan to accomplish his vision. The stuff that was left was what was left! He could choose to give it to friends or family, donate, sell, recycle or put in the trash.

When we take a moment to imagine ourselves doing and being what brings us joy and inspires us, then we become inspired and we receive ideas on how to create what we imagine. When we stay focused on what we truly we want, on what really matters, in work and in life, we receive ideas on how to create and expand upon what we really want.

We don’t waste time, energy, and money, getting rid of or letting go of what we don’t want. What we don’t want or what doesn’t matter is no longer a focus and shows itself out.

Einstein said, “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.”

Are you focused on what you really want? Or on what you don’t want? What could you imagine?

© 2011 Mary J. Lore and Managing Thought LLC All rights reserved.

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The Power of Purpose

February 23rd, 2011 Posted in Life Transitions, Managing Fear, Managing Thoughts, Feelings & Emotions, Stress Management, Vision, Purpose & Intention, Wonder, Possibility & Creativity
Feb, 23 2011
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The Power of PurposeThis blog is third in a series of reflections on Managing Thought – lessons learned during the sudden move of my parents from their home that also apply to big changes and challenges we face every day at work and in life.

Picture this: My father is 85, recovering from two minor strokes, fatigued and stressed from caring for my mom, 83, suffering from dementia. Now he and I are faced with the daunting task of downsizing and moving in just three weeks.  As we looked around the house filled with forty years of stuff accumulated because “we might need it someday,” my dad could feel the blood pumping in his neck.

Dad said, “Maybe we shouldn’t move.”  When I asked what he meant, he said, “It’s just too much. Where’s the furniture going to go? It won’t fit. What are we gonna do with all these books? And the garage and basement – how am I going to get through all that? Maybe we should just stay put.”

I exhaled deeply, acknowledged his fear. At any age, moving is a major task, a major life event and a major source of stress. For my dad, caring for my mom, taking care of the house, managing the house, and worrying about their future is also a major source of stress.  To him, with moving or staying put, he was choosing the lesser of two evils. Using logic, he decided to move forward with the move because the stress of moving lasts a month and the stress of staying put continues to build for the rest of their lives.

I asked Dad to tell me the purpose of living at the retirement community. What could it bring to him and mom.“ Mom will feel safe. I can run errands and visit with friends and know that if she needs help, there is always someone there. We get to “go out” to eat and go for walks every day. It’ll be like we’re dating again.  I can make new friends. We can have company and invite them for a nice meal. When it’s time for Mom to move into the special care facilities, I can see her every day … The list went on and on and with each item, Dad’s eyes grew brighter and his posture straightened.

Then ideas started flowing. “I can pick out the books I want to keep and the rest I can donate to the friends of the library. I might be able to get back to painting – do you think there’s room in the new place for my art supplies? There are some tools I want to keep. I can invite my grandson and my neighbor to pick out what they want. Are there companies that help with selling stuff?”

What we feel and what we experience depends on our focus. When Dad focused on the difficulties and choosing “the lesser of two evils,” his thoughts caused stress and shut him down. When he focused on his vision and purpose, he became inspired. Inspired, he became energized and creative. Instead of contracting, he expanded in a direction that served his purpose.

What’s your focus? What’s the purpose of what you’re doing? What does it bring you and others?

© 2011 Mary J. Lore and Managing Thought LLC All rights reserved.

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Changing Overwhelm to Wonder

February 18th, 2011 Posted in Life Transitions, Managing Fear, Stress Management, Wonder, Possibility & Creativity
Feb, 18 2011
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This blog is the second in a series of reflections on the lessons in Managing Thought during the recent sudden move of my parents—lessons that apply equally to the big changes and challenges we face every day at work and in life.

When my 85-year old father learned he had three weeks to move out of his house of forty years, he was paralyzed. Recovering from two minor strokes, caring for his wife, my mom, suffering from dementia, living in a house with forty years’ and four children’s worth of stuff, it’s not surprising he was overwhelmed.

When he asked me to help, I wasn’t surprised when my brain also bombarded me with thoughts of overwhelm. I deeply exhaled, invoked the state of wonder and asked myself, What can I say or do in this moment to help my dad? Out popped Lao-Tzu’s wise words, The journey of a thousand miles begins in a single step, and together we decided to take this journey of a thousand miles one step at a time.

I then wondered, What could the first step be? Out popped the wise words of Confucius – To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life.

So I suggested he start with his bedroom.  He went through his drawers and closets and desk, and removed what was to be discarded, donated or sold. When his room was in order, he woke up in the morning and went to sleep at night with the constant reminder of the completion of that first step. He breathed out a sigh of relief, breathed in the power of his accomplishment and felt empowered to take the next step.

When something happens that is different from what we expect or believe or concluded from past experiences, our brains present us with fight, flight or freeze thoughts. Thoughts of overwhelm, paralysis, avoidance, anxiety, fear, this can’t be done, and worry, for example, are all fight, flight and freeze thoughts. When we re-invoke the state of wonder, we receive answers that move us powerfully from fight, flight or freeze in a direction that serves our purpose.

We don’t suddenly accomplish a huge undertaking, we accomplish it in steps.  And when we acknowledge and celebrate the accomplishment of each step, no matter how small, we become inspired and invoke a power within to envision and accomplish the next step. Often, it’s helpful to start with something small that’s highly visible so we are constantly reminded of and celebrating the accomplishment of our first step and subsequent progress. In doing so, we become inspired and wonder what the next steps could be.

My Dad very simply and powerfully, with a bright smile and a twinkle in his eye, said, “Okay, Mare, what’s next?”

What huge undertaking overwhelms you? What one step could you take? How can you celebrate your progress? How can you turn overwhelm into wonder?

© 2011 Mary J. Lore and Managing Thought LLC All rights reserved.

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Asking for Help

February 16th, 2011 Posted in Life Transitions, Managing Fear, Reflection & Learning, Stress Management
Feb, 16 2011
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This last month, I’ve been helping my parents move from their home of forty years to an apartment in a retirement community.

When the Keller-Williams realtor announced we had a buyer who wanted to close and take possession in less than three weeks, my father was stunned. Although he wanted to move for several years, he was dreading it—he’s 85 years old, recovering from two minor strokes, his wife suffering from dementia, a house with forty years’ and four children’s worth of stuff and so much to plan and do. He was overwhelmed. He had no idea where to start or how to start.

I so admire his first action – he asked for help. Many of us believe that asking for help is a sign of a weakness. Many of us expect others to help. Sincerely asking for help is not a sign of weakness or a show of force. It is a gift—a wonderful gift to ourselves and others. We receive help and we give others the opportunity to be inspired and experience their true nature.

My father asked for my help. In return he received my help AND he gave me the gift, the honor, and opportunity to be of service to my parents, make a difference in their lives, express my love and be loved, and deepen our relationship.

How we feel and what we experience depends on our focus, on what we choose to think in each moment. Had my father remained focused on fear, overwhelm and beliefs about asking for help and weakness, we would have missed the opportunity to experience the joy of life and some very special moments.

As I reflect on the entire process, I find it rich with experiences and lessons in Managing Thought, such as this. I look forward to sharing these with you in my upcoming blogs.

How can you ask for help? At work? In life?

© 2011 Mary J. Lore and Managing Thought LLC All rights reserved.

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