We learn news of the shootings and deaths of innocent children in Connecticut. We find ourselves filled with all kinds of emotions.
This is not surprising. Something has happened that’s painful and very different from what we expect, what we believe, what we have learned, what we hope for, and what we envision for ourselves and others. And when that happens, our brains do their jobs to keep us functioning efficiently and effectively, safe and out of danger. They immediately deliver to us fight, flight, and freeze thoughts and the emotions that go with them.
Anger, outrage, criticism, judgment, blame, revenge, hopelessness, powerlessness, sadness, despair, shock, and disbelief, are all fight, flight, and freeze thoughts.
Are these bad thoughts and emotions? No — they are not bad. They are gifts.
They serve as a moment of truth, a moment of grand awareness of who I truly am and what I truly wish to create in this world.
Anger, outrage, blame, criticism, judgment, and revenge for example, present the awareness that whatever I am experiencing is NOT in alignment with who I am and what I wish to create in this world.
Grief and sadness present the awareness of what IS important to me, what IS of value to me, and what I truly wish to create in my life and in the world.
This is true for us individually and collectively. Every event, particularly the tragic ones, serves as a defining moment, a significant opportunity to create the next version of the highest vision of ourselves as a person, a friend, a parent, a family, a teacher, a leader, an organization, a community, a nation, a world.
In this moment, I can choose to hold and re-act the fight, flight, and freeze thoughts or I can choose to focus on and create the next version of the highest vision of myself.
Re-act or create. It is up to me. It is always up to me.
Rather than label or judge a situation or a person as bad or good, I can decide who I am in relationship to it and choose the vision of what I wish to create from it.
I may think I am a victim. I am not a victim. I am a creator. I may think I can judge, even condemn. I am not a judge. I am a creator.
I create. Every thought I choose to hold is creating–for better or worse. Individually and collectively. And when it comes down to it, the essence of every thought I have is love or fear.
Fight, flight, and freeze thoughts are rooted in fear. Thoughts of vision, purpose, being of service and making a difference, wonder and possibility, thankfulness, and joy are rooted in love.
Thoughts rooted in love bring us peace and inspire us and it’s when we are inspired that we achieve long-lasting, meaningful change and significant results.
I choose to create. I choose love.
So as I see, hear, read, and process the news of the Connecticut shootings, I notice my fight, flight, and freeze thoughts and the emotions as they arise and continue to arise. I feel them. I own them. I take a breath and I wonder what I wish to create and I choose thoughts that move me in a direction that serves, contributes and creates the next version of the highest vision of myself.
I pause. I breathe. I wonder. I choose. I inspire. I create.
These are some questions I can ask myself when I notice I am in fight, flight, and freeze.
- What can I say or do right now for the greater good?
- How can I make a difference in this moment?
- How can I be of highest and best service in this moment?
- What could I be thankful for in this moment?
- How can I demonstrate love in this moment?
- How can I help?
I can ask these questions with respect to:
- Those involved
- My children
- My family
- All children
- All families
- My school
- Our schools
- My community
- My country
- All of humanity
For example, I may notice that I am profoundly sad for the parents and the loss of their children. When I take my breath and wonder, I may notice that I am inspired to love and appreciate my children or institute “date night” with my children. I may notice I am inspired to help coordinate prayer vigils, or activities to write letters or help the families in some way. I may be inspired to help institute programs to help children be safe or learn how to choose peace over violence. I may be inspired to practice being in the moment and practice experiencing the joy and adventure of each stage of my child’s growth and development. I may want to start practicing being kind to myself and others.
Or perhaps I notice I am critical of the educational system or the parenting of the shooter. When I take my breath and wonder, I may notice I am inspired to be a good parent and practice being a good parent. I may be inspired to teach my children about self-awareness and how to manage their thoughts and emotions. I may be inspired to become involved in a meaningful way with my children’s education or contribute to an organization that is dedicated to the treatment of mental illness.
The opportunities to demonstrate love, be of service, help, make a difference, and affect the greater good are infinite–in any moment. And this is what lights our fire. This is what invokes our light and inspires us. We are all about creating the next version of the highest vision of ourselves.
What we do in times of difficulty can be our greatest success. For the experience we create is a declaration of who we are and who we intend to be.
Confucius said, “To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life…”
How are you being in relation to the news of the day? What is the future you are creating?
© 2012 Mary J. Lore and Managing Thought LLC All rights reserved.
A woman emailed me. She said she was exhausted and frustrated by a laundry list of problems. People in her field of work were burnt out and she was burning out. She took a few days to visit some friends, to get some rest, think, and hopefully become unstuck.
Are you self-aware?
Every July 4th, I am thankful to our Founding Fathers for their passion, their commitment, to our freedom to pursue that which makes us happy –our freedom to be who we truly are and to create what we truly wish to create in this world.
I met Cindie Hubiak when I presented a workshop on Managing Thought® to the Board of the Arizona Society of CPAs. Cindie, the President of the Society, impressed me on so many levels.
The sweet smell of spring is in the air. Trees are budding, bulbs are blooming. It’s a time of renewal. And a great time to refresh and renew ourselves.
We say we want peace in the world. I wonder how can we expect the world to be at peace when we are not at peace? If we can’t even be at peace when we’re standing in line? When we’re driving in heavy traffic? When a customer calls and complains? When someone makes a mistake? When we make a mistake? When anything happens that’s different from what we expect or believe?
Have you noticed that as you move into the holiday season, old, familiar patterns emerge? For example, when you get together with family and friends, do you revert to a certain dynamic? Perhaps you feel sad and alone at the holidays, or maybe you often get sick or worry about money. There’s a reason that we have the same experiences over and over again, and with a little self-awareness, a little self-mastery and a little being-on-purpose, we can break those patterns.
